vertigo

flirting is to me a wonderful gift, it is respectful, it soothes the ego and it promises absolutely nothing while opening up a world of possibilities and exciting the imagination. for the storyteller whom i am, you were more than a loving and dedicated teacher last week, you are a gift of the universe. the right one at the right time, at the right place. how can i thank the universe? i thank you. flirting is like going to the museum, you admire the art, you imagine what it would be like to have a Rembrandt in your living room, and then you don't touch, you don't take it home, and you do not possess. beings, human beings are art. the philosopher in me would love to expound on being human and being art, and the human being in me has had its curiosity aroused: what is it like to explore experiencing that being who calls himself by an angel's name? and the other wrote: "he, now the third man in this one episode, he is neither swiss nor japanese, he has neither blue eyes nor a long time relationship with me, he is also not the man of my dreams. he entered my radar a few years ago although i can not quite recall the exact time and date. the first time i saw him on the tatami, i knew that i had more than just another technically brilliant human in front of me. he impressed me then, and then i proceeded to forget his existence until last week. he shows up last week, more through my own utter oblivion than any sort of fathomable intentionality or rationality. last week, he shows up with several faces, the one of the master, another the loving teacher, and still another of the flirt. my ego has been ever so enthralled with the flirt, any flirt, and i am left with the answer to all my questions: i don't know. nothing has to happen, anything is possible, be ready for all, do nothing." being myself is doing nothing.

it was good

it was good to sit around a table with you and just relax, listen, and be.

once i asked another very dear to me how it was that he could stand to live with a person whose ego is ostentatious and unbearable. he smiled, shrugged his shoulders and told me that it builds his character. recently i have been facing lots of opportunities to build my character in this manner. when i encounter such an individual, i am tempted on occasions to just bury my head in the sand and ignore them. however having my head in the sand is not much help in either developing character, building reality or being present to existence. burying my head in the sand is denial. burying my head in the sand is being out of relationship.

i had a short talk in the shower room with her. we talked about my relationship with you. i felt her insecurity, and i wanted her to be reassured. afterwards i was left thinking that perhaps people do not really want reassurance while living in virtual insecurity and fighting for possession.

i had been scaling the walls of some fantastic mountain without any ground under my feet when i first met you. it was many years ago, and i did not even know that i had found myself scaling a mountain, much less that the ground under my feet was missing. i was lost, i did not see you. then one day, i found myself on the mountain and you were standing on my side. vertigo!

it was good to sit around a table with you and just relax, listen, and be.

i feel silence. silence.

why is it that instead of saying thank you, i say that i love you?