once, not too long ago

you asked out loud what would it be like if you had what you wished for...

you asked... i listened. i asked myself, what if...

then, just a few days ago it was my own ego that lay shattered on the floor and i was much too busy consoling its disgrace to notice that i had been acknowledged. i am who i am and that that is just grand. it is ecstasy, and somehow it met me unprepared, somehow like the rest of my life.

damn you! how did you know?

ecstasy

the total absolute folly! i refuse to call this love or to call it anything at all. do you know it? can you imagine it? you are human, raw, animal, lustful and stressed. your brain steals from you the greatest of carnal pleasures, and you stand there spent, insecure and with an omnipotent resolve to hold on to your dignity. you and i share one thing, or perhaps nothing at all beyond a few erratic moments of pleasure displaced by waves of ought to be or not be. yet, it is. if we share it, then it is that thing of seeing each other's vulnerabilities and weaknesses and not giving a damn about it. i do not identify with your erection, and you do not identify with my bank account. or is the other way around? what ecstasy, that of not caring is.