it is late...

yes, it is late. a while ago i seemed to know it all, now i seem to know nothing. perhaps i am just tired after a long day and a few distractions. i fear getting distracted. tell me, what is this thing with fear? why does it keep on returning?

i am tired of remembering, and i am tired of so much that seems remote, foreign and about to be forgotten! i am tired!

i am even tired of you and all that we have gone through. i am tired of your wisdom, and i am even more tired of mine. i am tired!

i watched myself today being bored, curious, patient, indifferent, amused, and jealous. i thought that jealousy was something that i would never know... yet today your words was what i was jealous of. i want your words, i want your mind, i want your understanding. i do wonder if i am all that interested in the carcass that carries your body?

i was even charming and bold, i miss the stage. i miss the acting, and i miss the playwright! if it is not when i write that i exist, then it is when i act. why is it that i only exist when i write, when i speak or when i move? what happens when i sleep?

still in the east

there is no time

there is no glory

there is no fame

there is no fortune

there is now

i felt it all

a direct hit of the senses

how could we have been so careless?

we were not.

we were bold

we explored

we explore

we discover

we live

to live is to love

just now

i will not judge. kind-hearted as a grandmother, i will not compromise. faithful to my old shoes, incomplete and unfinished, foolish. i am dignified as a king.

empty your mind of all thoughts. let your heart be at peace. watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. returning to the source is serenity. if you don't realise the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. when you realise where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. immersed in the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready.