this morning the ghost of your blue eyes knocked on my door.
i do not like your ghost showing up unannounced.
what was it then? it is not that i regret your departure or your lack of elegance or manners. we have gone down this road before, i have told you all that i wanted to tell you. it left you cold, or it left you hot and bothered. do i care? not really. did i ever care? i doubt it.
you opened pandora's box, yes you did, you did not mean to, did you? but you did.
today i was by the river, by the levee, by that place where we met for the first time one morning early. i took the ghost of your blue eyes and left it there. i am still grateful to you for all that you gave me in spite of the fact that there was nothing that you wanted to give me. you wanted something from me, and i was not the one who had it. i do not know if you found it or if you will ever find it. i know it begins with you, not with me, it is in you. perhaps you have discovered that by now.
but it did hurt like hell on this side, and yes it did even if i do not know how much hell can hurt. it hurt. my pain was very real, it was inside of me. i know i cause that, i know that i am the generator, owner, and healer of my pain. release, forgiveness, surrender... oh yes. remember, i was there already, i allowed you to distract me. i was careless and reckless. how very reckless of me to have dared to love. i gave you permission, i opened the door. i did.
i was there already, and you thought that i would give it to you. i did not, i couldn't, nobody can. your happiness is within.
