i watched you recently. the minute that you began speaking, i started to shudder. how can you dare to touch us all so with just your very own rawness?
"one day one asks me if i am alone, and i give semblance of ignoring such a message. i do not answer, i do not even spend time interpreting it. it could all mean so much, and perhaps it means nothing at all. on that same day another tells me that no, he does not want to hear all the details, he is afraid that he might understand."
i have also experienced you differently, i have felt you when you totally disappear in reaching out to all, and out there what the others experience is the one that can not be touched or reached. yet that one whom you are becomes so very present within the others that they forget that it is you who is giving them the moment. when i experience you like that, then i really want to cry because you can't see what you are giving, and sometimes i wonder if you even prefer to live in that ignorance.
"i am a foreign emotion, and emotions are alone and unconquerable. think of it as an error in the matrix, or a discontinuity in perception, and i tell you that it is all real, all that i am is very real, all that you feel is real. real and alone we remain. i never wanted anything else, i never dreamed of anything else.
no, even as you remain a precious muse, and i may continue to maintain all my attention and vigilance to what i sense in your presence, i will not explain it to you, you already know and your fear of understanding is not mine, it is yours, and i shall leave you alone with that fear.
are we ever alone when we are alive? isn't loneliness just that fear of understanding? what would it be like if you were to give up that fear of understanding?"
we will fall in love again, we will. we do each time that we look at each other, we do fall in love. each time that that we embrace, we fall in love, we do. each time... again and again...
it is nothing that i need to promise you, it is something that we know.
