if there was something that i would not have dreamed in my dreams, it was our conversation last night. today i found myself describing that very conversation of ours as surreal. was it really you who called me, and did we say what we said?
are you bent on teaching me abandon and surrender?
how good it was to hear your voice! how delighted my ego was that you missed me this past weekend!
how very surreal the whole of this life of ours is!
in the next few weeks... who knows what will happen?
i don't know. do you?
i know that it is time to get back talking with a man in black, a man who asked me the one most brilliant question that anybody has asked me in the past year, and a question that sent me toppling down and up the insipid contraptions of my existence. when i first saw this man in black, i thought that it was you that i was seeing. i experienced transference like i have never experienced it before!
instead of seeing the man in black, i saw you. i fell in love with that image, and i got as confused as only the very muddled can. you seemed so distance, so remote and yet so damn present. how on earth was i going to reach you? any image of you was good enough at the time. anything to avoid the fear that our intimacy aroused. that was last year.
this year entered and with it a new oracle: may your most daring dreams turn into reality!
those dreams are starting to emerge in my reality, those daring dreams that i have been nursing for years, even for as far as i can remember. so, tell me, why the fuck am i feeling guilty and disoriented and why on earth is it that whenever my not so little ego is about to throw a fit, you are there to soothe its fury?
i wonder how it is that we have chosen to live these contingent lives of ours, and i wonder how long it will take one of us to figure out that in living those dreams, we do not shatter the beauty that surround them.
go, go on your way. i am on my way, and together our dreams emerge radiant and daring. i meant every single word of what i said last night, and you do know it. from knowing to accepting, what kind of bridge are we going to build?
i, like you, had no idea that when i embarked on this path, that it would be a path of the spirit. choice is ours.
