drunk

after all of it, i am just drunk. i never told you that there was another. i ran from his arms into yours. i told you sweet little lies. i schemed drama and acted in tragedy. i never told you that i could not be with what the other offered. i never told you about the other's nobility.

i never told you.

i never told you about the origins of the story that i wrote. i told you fabulous little stories, fables. my imagination runs unbound, and my perversion cannot be grasped. you fell into all of it, and i almost fell with it all.

damn!

there are days when i want to beat you. not that i want to annihilate you, not that i want to hurt you, but because i want to take over your mind, soul and body. i want all of you, and i want to give nothing of me.

i want to absorb all of you. i want to breathe the air that you breathe. i want to devour you.

those are the bad days. those are the days of reason.

then there are the other days, most of the days, when i am just happy that i caught a glimpse of you and our mysteries.

those are the days of normal madness.

i do not understand

it is strange to me that you would come back in the middle of the night when i had just returned home. i was not expecting you. i was working hard to forget you.
you returned last night. you returned when i had given up on you. you were there and you did not dare speaking the words. i saw your face and wondered if that person could be you. i did not want it to be you, but you were not it, you were there, you were present, and you had returned.
i am not sure that i know how to accept you in my life.
this time, now that you have returned, all that i know is that it is not important to me. it seems important to you. i do not want promises. i do not want apologies. i do not even want you. i accept. i do not understand. i accept that i do not understand. and i do not understand you.