expressions

i lied to you. i did. i was not working hard to forget you, i was working hard to forget me. months later i get on a jet needing distance. at the door to my flat am reminded of what i keep leaving behind. i keep forgetting me, and then i forget that i forgot, and work even harder to just forget: me.

it is a mad cat. i wanted a horse and ended up with a cat. i pick it up, and we go to the balcony. i squint and can not see. i feel it purring snug in my arms.

it was night. the freaking cat does not forget me. each and every time, i leave it behind. i stay away for months on end. the cat does not forget and each and every time, it is a ritual. it loves the warmth, any warmth, even my warmth; it purrs and purrs. i watch across the city at my feet. it is just the cat that does not forget me. high above the crowds, in the night, on a balcony, the cat and me, we forget.

you reminded me of existence. you reminded me of being human. you reminded me that i had left the cat. the cat has not been left alone. the cat does not care about my presence in the flat. the cat does not care, it purrs.

misplaced

misplaced a girl. picked her up, and tossed her away. am just a kid, a little kid. i am still that little kid who can not write, but writes. am still that little kid who learned to live alone, was told that that was wrong, and grew old to rediscover that being a kid and alone is just the kid's life.

the girl is now misplaced. born and orphaned, she grew. humiliated, she stood. wronged, she smiled. now the kid remembers the girl misplaced.

put a stone on it, she did. the misplaced girl put a stone on it.

 

farewell fair one

wished you had been a man, strong and potent in will

wished you had had what i imagined that you had

wished you had known what i knew all along

wished you had had the courage

wished you had been stronger than this one.

wished,

and then wished again.

did not want to accept what i knew.

you search,

may you be fortunate, and find.

farewell fair one.